From: Cloey Marks <>

TITLE: In The Beginning
AUTHOR: Cloey Marks
DISTRIBUTION: If anyone wants this, you can have it.  Just tell me where
you're posting it.
RATING: some NC-17 at the end
SUMMARY: my own little world, things go wrong, but Angel and his soul
are sticking together for good.
FEEDBACK:PLEASE!! my first fic, Please tell me if you want more.
Flamers go elsewhere
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss is god.  Please don't
sue, I've got nothing to give you.

 So, on with the show....

In The Beginning 1/?

     There is a chosen one.  She alone must stand against the vampires,
the demons and the forces of darkness.  She is the Slayer.
    -the Watcher Diaries

     Buffy had been living in Sunnydale for three months now.  She had
two constant friends, Willow and Xander, her Watcher Giles, her mother,
who knew absolutely nothing about teenagers, and of course there were
all those vampires, witches, and evils she took care of, but that was
another story.  She liked her life, and had settled into a routine.
"Hey Buff." Broke her train of thought, as her bud Xander said hello,
walking with her to their last class.  She smiled in return, calling
out, "Hey, look there’s Will."  As she spotted the third member of their
party.  "Ah, Friday at last." Sighed Xander, saying what they all felt.
It had been a long boring week, and they were looking forward to the
comfort, and sleep a weekend brought.  Their last class went by quickly,
and soon they were walking home.  Buffy was the first to leave the
group, as they walked past her house, promising a weekend full of fun to
each other.  Buffy walked into her house, and up to her room.  She
dropped her bag, and looked around for what she would wear out to their
local hangout and club, The Bronze.
     At about nine o’clock, Buffy said bye to her Mom, and started out
for the Bronze.  Walking towards the Bronze, she felt a prickling at her
neck, knowing someone was following her.  "It really isn’t cool to stalk
a girl anymore, that went out of style a while ago."  She called out to
whoever was following her.  If it was a vampire she was going to get rid
of him quickly.  She saw as a gorgeous guy, walked out of the shadows.
He was lean, with dark brooding eyes, and spiky chocolate hair.  He was
dressed in black jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black leather jacket.
When he finally spoke, his voice was deep, and rich, "It’s not a nice
area to be walking around alone, especially at night."  "I can take care
of myself." She replied, not knowing what he wanted.  "I know." He said
as he threw her a small black box.  She opened it to find a beautiful
silver cross, on a simple silver chain.  She looked up with a question
on her lips, but he had disappeared without a sound, or a trace.  She
slid the box into her jacket pocket, continuing on to the Bronze.  Once
she found her friends, she had already forgotten about the mysterious
man, and his even more mysterious present.
  *  *  *  *  *
     Buffy smiled as she walked up the stairs to her room, thinking
about the time she had had at the Bronze.  She enjoyed the time spent
with Xander and Willow, they were real friends, and two of the very few
people who knew about her being the Slayer.  As she took off her jacket,
a small box fell from the pocket, and in a rush she remembered about the
mysterious guy she had met in the alley.  She picked up the box, and
took the cross out seeing it glint in the light of her lamp.  Monday
morning she would ask Giles about it, he would know if it meant
anything.  She crawled into bed and dreamt of the mysterious man in the
  *  *  *  *  *
     Monday morning came too quickly, and in a flash Buffy was again
walking the halls with her buds, ready for first class.  Neither one had
said anything about the cross she wore around her neck, thinking it was
just another piece of jewellery she owned.  When they walked into the
library to check in on Giles, he noticed.  "Buffy, where did you get
that cross?"  "Actually, I was coming to ask you about it.  Is there
something I should know about it?"  "Well, it is a gift that is very
symbolic to a Slayer.  The cross of course is to ward off evils like
vampires, and the like, and the silver represents the purity of the
Slayer, but it is usually only given by a close friend.  Who gave it to
you?"  "This guy I met near the Bronze.  He warned me about staying out
at night and after he tossed this to me he disappeared."  "Hmm, I’ll
have to consult me books."  They finished in unison, and succeeding in
annoying Giles.  Buffy spent the day wondering about the cross that hung
from her neck, and the person that had given it to her."
  *  *  *  *  *
     That night, Buffy couldn’t wait for the sun to set and her mother
to say good night so she could slip outside.  She hoped to talk to the
guy who had given her the cross, but she had no idea how to find him.
Lucky for her he had decided to follow her again.  This time, instead of
confronting him, she slid into the shadows silently, waiting for him to
pass by her.  He passed and she stepped out of the shadows only to be
surprised by his lean figure leaning against the wall beside her.  "Who
are you?" she said, wondering if he would even answer her.  "How can I
thank you if I don’t even know your name?"  "Let’s say I’m a friend." He
said.  "Well, what if I don’t want a friend?" "I didn’t say I was
yours." He replied back, his words mocking and yet soft, almost kind.
Within the moment she had taken to think about his comment, he had
disappeared again.  "Oh great." She muttered, turning in the direction
of her house.
  *  *  *  *  *
     The next morning in the library Giles had a surprise for her, the
new cryptic guy’s name.  "Angel?" Xander said, what kind of a sissy name
is that?"  "It’s not a sissy name, I like it."  Buffy retorted,
pondering his name.  Well, his name fit him very well.  She wondered why
he hadn’t told her what it was.  Maybe he wanted her to find out
herself.  But how could she do that, unless he knew that Giles was her
watcher and that would mean… No, he couldn’t, Buffy decided, thinking
that she had let her over active imagination get away from her again.
  *  *  *  *  *
     Over the next few months, Buffy saw Angel on occasion, when he had
another message for her about impending doom.  She had grown to like him
a lot, even if he wasn’t around much.  One night, she heard him outside
her window, asking if he could come in.  "Sure." She said, not realising
that it was strange he was on her roof, and not her front porch ringing
the door bell.  He stood in front of her, and she tilted her head
towards him, feeling his cool lips against hers.  When they broke apart
she screamed, not out of fright but of surprise.  Angel’s face had taken
on the demonic form of a vampire, and suddenly he was gone.  Although
her scream had been short, it had still been very loud, and when her
mother rushed in, she explained she had seen a shadow on the roof.  Her
only half convinced Mother left her room, and Buffy mentally smacked
herself.  She should have had more control, but he had caught her off
guard.  When she thought about it, Angel being a vampire would make a
lot of sense.  But that didn’t matter, in the morning she was going to
kill Giles for not telling her.
  *  *  *  *  *
     "You could have told me he was a vampire." Buffy said forcefully as
she stormed into the library, a very confused Willow and Xander in tow.
"I just found out, and there are things you should know about him
Buffy."  "Like he’s a vampire!"  she fumed.  "I better talk to you after
school, then."  Giles said, just as the bell rang for first period.
"Fine." Said Buffy, as she walked off unhappily to first period.
  *  *  *  *  *
    Later that day after last bell had rang, Giles waited for Buffy in
the library.  As she walked in, he told her to sit down.  "Um Buffy,
Angel’s a shall well say, a special case when it comes to being a
vampire.  He is originally from the early 1700’s, that’s when he became
a vampire.  He was very evil, the only reason he managed to live so long
was because of how smart he was, how powerful.  As vampires get older,
they get more powerful, and learn with age.  About a hundred years ago
the curse of Rom  returned his soul.  After that he went into hiding,
and this is the first I’ve heard of him since.  Buffy, he’s very
dangerous, please be careful."  Buffy sat there, not really knowing what
to do.  Then she said, "But, he’s been helping us for a while now, and I
don’t think his kind takes well to me barging in on them, especially at
another’s invitation."  "I agree with you Buffy, but still keep your
eyes open."  "Sure."
  *  *  *  *  *
     For five weeks it had been the same thing, school, hunt, and no
Angel.  She went out again tonight, hoping to find him, but not sure she
would.  As she walked through the park, she saw someone ahead of her.
She walked faster to get a better view of her mystery person.  It was
Angel.  "Angel?" she said, hoping he wouldn’t disappear again, "Can we
talk?"  "Buffy?" he said, like he was surprised to see her here.  He
stopped, and she caught up to him.  Both standing awkwardly in silence.
Finally Angel broke the silence, "Buffy, this can’t ever be.  I’m
sorry."  "I, guess your right.  I’m a Slayer, and you’re a vampire.  It
wouldn’t work.  But I’ll see you around right?"  she said, as he
disappeared into the shadows.  "Yeah, I’ll see you around." He whispered
to himself, regretting what could never be.  She walked home in a daze,
not sure how she felt about this whole thing.  But she thought he was
right, it could never work, could it?
  *  *  *  *  *
     Two months went by since the night they had spoken.  They had seen
each other, but it was only for business.  All she had thought about for
those long months was Angel, and it was driving her mad.  She knew she
couldn’t and wouldn’t live like this, it was insane, but how could she
change it.  The sun crept below the trees, gilding Buffy’s anxious
thoughts as she slipped out for the night.  Two hours later before going
home, she heard Angel’s voice.  He was talking to someone- a woman.  She
watched from high in a tree.  He called her Drucilla.  Who was she, was
this why they weren’t.. no don’t think like that, Giles would know who
she was.  She went home, her emotions a turmoil within her mind.
  *  *  *  *  *
     A night of restless sleeping hadn’t done anything for her mood as
she walked into the library, giving Giles a download of Angel’s and
Drucilla’s conversation.  "I will look her up in my books." Giles said
with a predictability that Buffy assumed came with being in the constant
presence of books.
  *  *  *  *  *
     It was two days later that Buffy got her answer, but it was from
Angel not Giles.  She had been sitting at home thinking about nothing in
particular, when someone knocked on her front door.  She got up and
answered it, wondering who it could be at this hour, especially with her
mother away for the weekend.  She opened the door to find an anxious
Angel waiting on her doorstep.  "Can I come in?" he asked.  "I thought
that once vampires were invited they could come in?"  she said in
response.  "They can." He said as he shut the door behind them.  "Buffy,
there are things you need to know about me, but I need to know something
from you first."  "Like what?  You’re not going to go cryptic on me, are
you?" she asked, puzzled by his question.  "Do you love me?"  "Do I
what?" she said unbelieving.  "Do you?" "I love you, but I don’t know if
I trust you." She said quietly, not understanding why he was putting
them both through this.  "When I was younger, I did many horrible
things.  Drucilla was one of them.  I played with her, driving her
insane, killing her family one by one, her friends.  When she finally
went over the edge, I turned her."  The silence stretched out in front
of them, as Buffy took in this bit of news.  "Why are you telling me
this?"  "She and Spike have moved in to Sunnydale.  Spike has lived
through three Slayers, and killed two of them.  He’s also trying to find
a way to cure Dru of her insanity.  If he succeeds…. Well let’s just
say, he’d better not."  "I can take care of myself." Buffy said
stubbornly.  "I know, it’s just that if anything were to happen to you….
I’d never forgive myself, especially if I caused it."  He walked to the
door, letting himself out.  As he left Buffy whispered, "I love you, my
Angel."  Little did she realize how good vampire hearing was, or how a
tiny silver tear rolled down Angel’s cheek unbidden.  He knew it could
never be, but it hurt all the same.
  *  *  *  *  *
     The next night, Buffy went to see Angel.  They needed to talk.  She
went to his apartment, and knocked on the door calling out, "Angel?  Are
you there?"  he opened the door, clearly surprised to see her there.
"Are you going to just stand there, or let me in?"  Her words prompted
him out of a daze and into the waking world as he opened the door for
her.  "Angel.. " she said, pacing the room, now that she was here her
words failed her.  "Buffy, why are you here?" he said, a mixture of
anxiety and fear making him sound irritated.  She looked at him with an
incredulous look on her face, part rage, but mostly confusion.  He watch
emotions flit across her features, wanting to go over and comfort her,
yearning to feel her body heat around him, and yet knowing he shouldn’t.

     Her teeth were on edge, a thousand thoughts raced through her mind,
and yet words escaped her.  It wasn’t fair, she finds something good in
her life, and the god-damned fates decide it wasn’t "possible" it would
never "work".  *Well I don’t care!  That’s right, I don’t!*  Pure rage
ran through her veins, *What does anyone else have to do with this?
It’s our decision, isn’t it, our love?*  Angel’s muttered, "It’s not
fair." Brought her out of her thoughts and back to action.  She yelled
at him, "You’re right, it’s not fair!  I probably won’t live past 20,
and I’m letting other people decide that my love won’t work!"  He gave a
half-hearted attempt at stopping her flow of words, but was cut off
before he started.  "No Angel, listen to me!  God, for once, would
someone just listen to me?"  She pounded her fists on his chest,
emphasising every word, "It’s not fair!  I want one thing, is one thing
so much to ask?"  Her restraint broke, tears flowing freely down her
cheeks, "Is it so much to ask?"  He stepped forward, hesitantly taking
her in his arms, unsure if she would welcome him, or send him flying to
the floor.  She held him like a life line, her tears soaking through his
shirt into his skin, "Angel, do you love me?"  She choked out through
her subsiding tears, looking up at his face.  "Yes."  "Will you-- make
love to me?"  The searching look in hers eyes struck him deep in the
soul, a single tear winding its way down his cheek.  He leaned down to
give her a passion filled kiss, their salty tears mixing with their
tangible pain.  He picked her up without breaking the kiss, laying her
on the bed, arranging himself on top of her so he could easily run his
hands along her warm body.  He ran his hands up the back of her shirt,
her warm skin making his hands tingle while she unbuttoned his shirt
with none to steady hands.
     His smooth muscles rippled beneath her touch, a small noise deep
within his chest grumbling, making her realize what such a small touch
could do to him.  Her mind floated around, her thoughts only able to
concentrate on the single act of undoing each button.  Some far off
corner of her mind that wasn’t occupied or in shock, thought, *I can’t
believe this is happening!*  When she was finished, he slipped his shirt
off and switched places with her, straddling her lap as he undid her
shirt beneath her gaze.  Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and
both stopped dead in their "tracks".  "Buffy?" came a small voice that
sounded like Willow, from behind the door.  "Angel?"  "Yeah, Will, I’m
coming."  Buffy hurriedly did up her shirt as she crossed the room to
open the door.  "Buff, I gotta talk to you um- ah, sorry Angel, but this
is gonna have to be alone, I gotta take her."  "That’s -okay.." said
Angel quietly.  Willow took Buffy outside and they quickly went to
Buffy’s house, the nearest haven in the darkness of Sunneydale.  Once
safely within her room, Buffy restrained herself from yelling at Willow,
"If I hadn’t of known that you just risked your hide to get to Angel’s,
I never would’ve come with you, so what’s so important you couldn’t have
waited until Saturday?"  "You can’t, um.. sleep with Angel?"  Willow
said blushing as red as her hair.  "You were going to sleep with him,
weren’t you?"  "Well, I hadn’t planned on it, but the thought had
crossed my mind- what, how did you know?"  "That doesn’t matter-"  Buffy
interrupted her, "What do you mean I can’t sleep with Angel, what are
you, my mother?"  "No, no, no.  You can and will just not just yet.
There’s a curse on him, right, the curse of the Romani clan, that gives
him his soul."  "SO?"  "Well, there’s a stipulation that if Angel were
to ever have a moment of complete happiness, when none of his sins
plagued him, even for a single moment, he would lose his soul again."
Buffy sat in shock, and still obviously not completely focused outward,
asked Willow, "So how do we change this?"  "Well, that’s what I was
going to tell you.  I need you to chain him up for it to work.  So he
won’t leave."  "Why would I have to do that, if he knows it’s for his
own good, he won’t leave."  "That’s the other thing, it’ll cause him a
lot of pain while I’m re-cursing him."  Buffy’s mouth formed a silent
"O", but didn’t say anything else except, "When, I mean, when will you
be ready?"  "Now, everyone else is bringing the stuff to his apartment,
and is waiting for us."  Buffy nodded, and they both left for Angel’s.
     Some time later, Angel was chained and briefed, and seemed to be
asleep.  Everyone else had left, and Buffy helped Willow with the last
preparations.  A small brazier burned a light incense and an Orb of
Thesula sat nestled in velvet at Willow’s feet.  Buffy crossed over to
Angel for one last time before the ritual, whispered in his ear and
kissed his forehead before returning to her position.  Willow nodded to
her and began softly chanting under her breath, all her reservations
disappearing.  Buffy was startled to see Willow’s eyes glow a soft blue
colour, while the orb began to glow yellow softly and with glowing
intensity.  She gasped as she looked over to Angel, his eyes wide and
slightly panicked, mirroring the yellow of the orb.  A fine sheen of
sweat covered him and his white knuckles reflected brightly against his
fists.  A soft undercurrent of music followed the chanting, as Angel and
the orb glowed brighter.  Buffy’s heart broke each time she looked at
Angel, the pain he tried to hold at bay was too strong for him, and she
wept for him.  She was so caught up in his pain, she didn’t notice the
second undercurrent joining the first, nor did she notice that she was
creating this second melody within their minds.  The rest was a blur for
her, lasting only a few minutes and an eternity at the same time.  She
only realized that Willow had stopped when the first melody wound done
and closed, breaking hers off simultaneously.  She looked over to see
all the equipment gone, and Willow coming into focus.  "Buffy, he’s
gonna be sleeping for a while, we should go."  They both got wearily to
their feet and went home, falling into their beds, asleep even before
their heads touched the pillows.
  *  *  *  *  *
     …Buffy reached out her hand in a futile effort to stop his pain and
ear piercing scream as his eyes and the orb shined with an intense
yellow light that made her blink away tears, refusing to look away from
     Buffy woke up with a snap, memories flooding her mind, remembering
with an uncomfortable accuracy that night’s events.  The only thought
that floated into her mind was *He must hate me for this, after all, he
wouldn’t even have to go through this if it weren’t for me.*  She just
sat there, with that idea battering her self-esteem and only allowing
her to lie in shock, never to sleep.  Dawn came with dried tears and
fatigue, but no answers.
  *  *  *  *  *
     Angel woke sometime that night, with a splitting headache, strained
muscles, and numbness in the tips of his fingers and toes, exactly what
he’d expected.  He saw a note beside him, groaning as he reached over to
pick it up.

Angel, talk to Buffy about this.  You don’t know everything, I
couldn’t tell you.  Be careful with her please, she’s isn’t always
as strong as we’d like to think.
     ~ Willow

His eyes widened slightly in surprise.  *I’ll think about this in the
morning, tonight I’d just fall asleep.*  He got up, stumbled into the
kitchen, fed and fell back into bed without a wasted moment and slept
dreamlessly and deeply until sunset.
  *  *  *  *  *
     Angel woke with the setting sun, getting up to shower and feed
again before leaving his loft.  He opened the door to see Buffy’s back
receding into the night and caught a breath of phrase from her on the
passing breeze, ", no, no.  He won’t want to see me. I have no right
to go to his place, he’ll come to me if he wants to see me…"  Angel
stopped in his tracks, *?Buffy?  What the hell’s wrong with her…*  He
stood there confused until he realized Buffy had disappeared from view
and he jogged off after her.
     He caught sight of her as he rounded the corner of the nearest
cemetery, and saw a vampire sneaking up behind her.  He yelled a warning
realizing he was too far away and watched in horror as the vampire leapt
at her.  It turned out, though, that he’d worried for nothing.  Even if
she wasn’t in the best frame of mind, her instincts weren’t suffering
any.  Buffy ducked as it jumped at her, using its momentum to throw it
to the ground as Angel’s superior hearing picked out her voice, "You
stupid fucking vampires, couldn’t leave it alone, could you?"  She
walked over to it and sent it sprawling a few feet away with a kick that
must of broken at least four or five ribs.  Meanwhile, as the vampire
struggled to its feet, she hunted around for her dropped stake and
quickly dusted it.  Angel had come much closer while Buffy was occupied
with her would-be killer, and stood in the shadows, still pondering what
to say.  Fortunately, she sat down on a nearby bench, solving his
following issue.
     "Come out, I know you’re there, and trust me, I’m not in the mood
to play games."  She spoke, startling him a little, but just before he
left the shadow of nameless gravestone, he realized she didn’t know who
he was.  He had come out behind her, so when she spoke, she still didn’t
know who he was.  "What, no last words, no begging for mercy.  I’ll give
you some credit for that, but you’re still gonna get your a---  Angel?"
As she spoke the last word her voice changed from cocky attitude to a
quavering jumble that in no way resembled the Buffy he remembered.  She
quickly turned around and sat braced on the park bench, as stunned
silence hummed with tension between them.  He started to say something,
but realized she was speaking and stopped himself, "I- I’ll understand
if you… don’t want to see me again."  He moved around to sit beside her
and moved her face to look her in the eye as he spoke, "Why would I
never want to see you again?  I want to see you every day of my life, if
I had a choice I’d never let you go."  If he hadn’t of been watching her
eyes, he would never of believed the transition of her eyes from their
original ice blue, to a startling green, to a golden caramel-gold to a
bottomless black and back to ice blue within an amount of seconds he
could count on his fingers.  She blinked several times, rubbing her eyes
with the back of her hand, "Angel, did it work, are you okay?"  As she
looked around, she said, "Why are we in a cemetery?"  "What’s the last
thing you remember?"  "Everybody leaving and Will nodding to began the
ceremony.  It didn’t hurt you too much did it?"  "No, no, I’m fine,
see?  The weirdest thing just happened though……."
     As Angel told Buffy of the weirdness that had been that night, he
got the feeling that she wouldn’t ever remember what happened, and that
he was very lucky he still had her, but eventually he forgot about it,
because what good would it do him to remember anyway?
     Eventually, their walk took them back to his apartment and they had
both walked to the door before realizing where they were.  He spoke
softly, unsure if she would except, "Do you want to come in?"  She just
sighed, looking up at him and smiling, nodded her head.  He went in
first, and turned around to lock the door, but ended up a few
centimetres from her face.  Angel leaned in, kissing Buffy whose
restrained hunger and passion matched his.  He picked her up, without
breaking the kiss and laid down beside her on the bed.  Her warm hands
wormed under his shirt, tugging at the soft cotton and he raised his
arms to help.  She ran her hands all over his torso, as he returned the
favour with her shirt.  As he unclipped her bra she looked into his eyes
blushing slightly.  All he did was pull her in for another kiss before
turning his attention to her breasts.  She gasped as his cool mouth came
into contact with her nipples, and she arched her back in pleasure,
urging him on.  She gasped and smiled as she felt his erection through
his pants and rubbed against him experimentally.  Angel had to remind
himself that she was just experimenting, and didn’t know how crazy she
was making him.  He purred as she moved her hands down to rub him again
and remove his pants and boxers.  He lifted his hips and she slid them
down his legs to fall on the floor.  He reached down her taught stomach
to remove her pants and underwear too.  He slid his hands down her waist
and bare hips, luxuriating in the feel of her silky skin under his
hands.  He tailed his hands down to her folds, pushing a finger into her
warm tightness.  She gasped in pleasure, moving up and down a little on
his finger and he added another, and another, finally with three fingers
in her.  Then he slipped them out and he whispered, "I love you Buffy."
Into her ear and moved his cock towards her entrance.  He felt her gasp
as the head of his member touched her folds.  She moved down on him
slowly, stopping when he came to her hymen, and whispered again,
"Sorry."  And before she could think about it too much he thrust up
quickly, and she yelped in pleasure and pain.  He looked into her eyes
for any sign of trepidation, but she just smiled at him and said, "I
love you Angel."  and moaned again as he started to move inside her.
Soon she started moving too, at a faster tempo.  He matched her and the
passion built between them.  As she began to come, his name running
ragged with her breath and he fought with himself to not bite her and
orgasm as vampires do.  She looked him in the eye and mouthed ‘I love
you’ and bared her neck to him.  He looked surprised, but then he
reached down and released himself morphing and biting gently into her
jugular.  Her sweet blood flowed into his mouth and she came around him
again, and he exploded into her, moaning her name as he came.  After as
they both came down, he licked absently at her neck wound, and
whispered, "I love you, Buffy."  before they both fell asleep.
  *  *  *  *  *
     Buffy woke the next morning at down, kissing him lightly on the
forehead before slipping out of bed to dress, leaving as silent as a
shadow. She wanted to stay, but she couldn’t.  She hurried to her house
to catch a few more hours of sleep before she had to get up for school.

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